Rock bottom
by rinajewelstar
Summary: When people hit rock bottom the only option for them is to give up or for them to build from the bottom up. For better or worse.
1. The stony hell that is rock bottom

When people hit rock bottom the only option for them is to give up or for them to build from the bottom up. For better or worse.

Mudblood. He couldn't believe he'd called her that. He's sitting outside in the bitter cold, looking across at the black lake, knees bunched up with his lanky long arms wrapped tightly as if to try to offer some protection from the cold.

The look in her eye had been enough, vivid green eyes looking back fiercely at him not with friendship as they once had done in fond memories of days spent just enjoying life, just being. Just escaping. Her eyes didn't even look with at him with pity as they'd come to do so in the coming months instead they were filled with anger, hostility and something else. Anger and hostility he could deal with, he was used to it.

Resignation.

She'd given up. Her hope that he would change had run out and she'd given up. Of what he couldn't understand, he was just starting to get on his feet to find his purpose besides toiling away in a dark and dank dungeon for the rest of his life over a potions that he would receive no acknowledgement for no recognition. He wanted to be someone, to never have to go back to what once was, to never have experience hardship or loneliness. Couldn't she see that this would be his making?

It didn't matter how! Just so long that it was so. Yet she would scorn him for that, when there were far worse than him, you didn't have to look to far too only see.

Potter was no saint and yet everyone acted like he was god's greatest gift. Strutting around like he owned the place and yet he was nothing but a merciless bully, him and Black . He tried to leave those thoughts because in the end they didn't matter. He would show them, he would work hard and his hard work would be rewards and then they would see and then she would see that in the end it was worth it.


	2. In for the long haul

Build from the bottom up takes dedication strength and courage because you are in for the long haul.

He stood there as she screamed, what she was staying so fervently lost on him as he'd zoned out completely. Why did this always happen? Why could he get anywhere with her?

One step forward, two steps back.

She ended up stomping off in the end, when it became clear to her that what she was saying to him was completely lost. Oh well, he ignored the looks of concern from his friends as he slumped upstairs and threw himself dramatically on his bed. After a moment he rolled over, took over his glasses, least they become anymore damaged than they already were and put them down on the table beside his bed. Pinching the bridge of his nose whilst trying to squash the feeling of ….What?

Loneliness.

How could he be lonely? He had wonderful and dear friends. Loyal and loving and true and yet it was entirely possible that despite their presence and the general population of Hogwarts being enamoured by the four of them that he was quite possibly lonely, if the ache in his chest was anything to go by. It had been growing in intensity recently. It wasn't something he'd experienced since he was little.

Having grown up as an only child of two older than your average parents who spent most of their time in each other's company at home. He hadn't any close childhood companions growing up and as a result was determined that wouldn't be the case during his years at Hogwarts and it hadn't so why was it there? This ache?

What had started off as a joke to piss off Snivellus, when he'd caught onto the fact that the greasy haired boy had a thing for Evans, had turned into full blown unrequited love. And it sucked, to put it mildly. Initially he'd starting saying cheesy flirtatious things, out loud, where anyone and everyone could his proclamations of "love" and if Snivellus just happened to be in the general vicinity, well that was just a bonus now wasn't it?

However now he was in too deep. He drowning. He'd become emotionally invested in her, Everything. He'd begun to see more than what he first thought he'd seen, a smart, muggleborn witch had become a talent, strong, kind and wonderful woman right before his eyes and she wouldn't even seriously look his way for a second and it hurt.

Badly, something akin to being stabbed in the chest and there was nothing he could do because she didn't see him. She didn't see him as he was now, alone and hurting. Would it even matter if she could? Would she feel sympathy? Would try to coax his woes out of him? Or would she scoff and not give him a second thought?

He wasn't that bad, yes he done somethings that he wasn't particularly proud of, he didn't always treat everyone right and he could be mean and cruel, especially where Snivel-Snape was concerned. Although in that situation he'd got as good as he'd given. It wasn't just his bullying of students, he'd never taken his entire schooling career as seriously as he probably should have done as serious as she did. He'd been so caught up in trying to make up for what little fun and companionship he'd missed in his younger years that he was sacrificing his future years to make up for it and for what?

It was then, James Potter decided two things, he would no longer waste as much meaningful and better spent time with pranks and bullying and that he would actually put his education his future first . Actions speak louder than words.


End file.
